Mommy Guilt

  If you're a mom, you know mommy guilt. That feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you YOU'RE the reason your kid isn't quadratic equations at 3 like all those kids in his/her playgroup. It tells you that YOU'RE the reason your child isn't as well behaved as all your Facebook friends' kids (I mean, every day is sunshine and unicorns for all those other moms, why is it that your kid makes you want to huddle in the closet and drink ALL the wine?). And if you have a special needs child? Pfft, forget it! You will examine every little thing you did from the time of conception until present day. "What did I do wrong? I didn't want to make it harder for my son/daughter! Was it that Subway tuna sandwich I had at 6 months pregnant?"
  We know it's illogical. The fact is, in many cases, shit just happens. Genomes got wonky and there's nothing to do about that. As moms, we need to take care of ourselves and have a realistic view on life. We are not all powerful, we cannot control DNA or RNA or even the weather (yet), and we are not responsible for everything that happens to our children. Parenting is emotionally and physically difficult, and if it's not, you are not doing it right.
  Be good to yourselves mommas. The guilt may be oppressive at times, but it's not always your fault and you can't control everything. Breathe, laugh, and put one foot in front of the other.

  My son goes in for an MRI tomorrow. They are going to see if there is a possible cause for his verbal and oral apraxia. I find the mommy guilt bubbling back up. What if that time he fell off the bed when he was a newborn caused it? Or the time he rolled off the couch? and then there's the fear that they won't find any reason at all and it will forever be a congenital anomaly.
 Ah, this confusing rollercoaster we call parenthood.  Here's to being caught between hoping they find an answer, and fearing they will.